I’m used to spending hours at a screen — I’m an office worker after all. Homeworking in iso times is no different. Except that it is! Screen time is more intense since it’s not leavened any longer by face to face meetings, corridor chats and all those small encounters I used to enjoy in the physical workspace.
On top of that my weekend leisure activities and meeting friends and family are also online. And evening yoga class is too.
Ironic then that I would turn to writing this blog as a bit of relief and relaxation. And ironic too that I turn to email to help me feel more connected with my yoga teacher. I am really grateful that he offers online classes, and I love hearing his voice guiding our practice, but the whole zoom-class experience feels quite impersonal. I increasingly miss his support — how he helped me with my yoga, how our conversations informed how I approach my own self practice and how to work with what I find there.
I sent him a couple of video snips recently. They are quite show-offy things — for me, that is; my practice is pretty modest overall. They are things I’d asked him about right before lockdown, things that intrigued me but scared me. Things I thought I had no right to expect my body to do, but yearned to find the freedom and courage to try.
I didn’t send these videos of my efforts with any great pride — they are very much work in progress. My teacher would never commend anything I do anyway, so I’m not looking for approval! In fact I deliberately sent him my first attempt videos, wanting to share the freshness and excitement of new discoveries of what’s becoming possible for me, rather than any polished attainment.
Mostly I share because these are the results of his efforts too. The outcome-in-progress of many hours between us, many words exchanged as I verbalised my doubts and fears and his patient encouragement as I explored how to move myself into fresh experiences. It would be selfish not to share also the seeds — not yet actual fruits — of this work. If I dared to show him how lost I felt previously, I should also dare to share the moments when I begin to re-find myself. I hope he might find some satisfaction in that.
Though I do feel some small guilt that I drag him into extra screen time also — even if just for a 20 second video! 🙂