Asking for it

When I finished teacher training I asked the studio if I could teach for them. I didn’t get a reply which I interpreted as you might expect. Fair enough. The last message I remember us getting as little trainees was that we were ‘babies who knew nothing’. Not quite the graduation pep talk I was hoping for, but at least it set our expectations.

Fortunately I was asked to teach elsewhere, so I didn’t lose too much confidence. When covid stopped that two years ago, I went fully independent, keeping things going from home: teaching online classes and workshops and philosophy discussions and so on. I have some really engaged students. So on one reading of the story I lived happily ever after, pleasing myself in my teaching and enjoying the freedom. That’s the story I told myself. But the backstory is that I have spent the intervening years feeling inadequate. I made the assumption that my own teacher, who did most of my teacher training, thinks I’m a rubbish teacher. Well, I probably was when I graduated ๐Ÿ™‚ But I’m not now. I know it in my heart.

So six years on I’ve finally plucked up courage to ask again. I reached the point where I wasn’t prepared to carry round this amount of heavy burden and negative mindset any longer. And I’ve realised that he’s not the traditional type; he has a healthy disregard of ideas of parampara or lineage, so he’s never going ask me to step forward himself, which is how I thought it must work. So I decided to ask again, ensure I got an answer this time, and then I’d know for sure what he thought and I could balance his opinion against my own and see which I found more compelling.

I asked.

And I got a reply.

And it was an invitation to teach a practice class at his studio!

I am trying not to get too excited. I keep having fantasies of teaching the most awesome class ever that everyone is amazed by and regretful that they’ve been missing out all this time… Then I have the opposing nightmare that I get hideously nervous, flunk it terribly, and can never show my face in class again and have to emigrate to a new country and find a new yoga teacher who won’t realise how rubbish I am…

Yeah, I know — all these years of yoga practice and I still love a drama! Clearly I’m not practising enough ๐Ÿ™‚

But whatever happens I’m just glad I asked. I’ve been doing a lot of work lately trying to ‘declutter’, to examine habitual patterns of thought and behaviour that are well-rooted and understandable from past events, but really really need an upgrade. This imposter syndrome and assumption of not being good enough for my teacher is one of them. So I am super happy with myself for making this move. I’m getting a tiny glimpse of the peace and contentment that would come with fuller self-acceptance. That’s pretty exciting to me and a great encouragement to continue my practice and keep moving in this direction.

That said, I’d be even happier if he hired me. So wish me luck!

4 thoughts on “Asking for it

Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Website Built with

Up ↑


Travels of : เค : a Yogin

anonymous sadhaka

An Iyengar Yoga blog

Mimm Patterson

Yoga, Coaching & Craft

Phoenix Matarazzo

My life, in my words...


becoming a centenarian


a life worth living

Josephine Corcoran

never knowingly without a pen

Random Musings

A little bit of this, and a little piece of that!

Anthony Wilson

Lifesaving Poems


For whatever lights you up.

Beginner's Mind

Introduction to mindfulness, based in Huddersfield


Tales from the inner and outer world

Views from the Podium

A Blog. A Book. A Yoga Community.

Peregrine's Progress

Books, Cinema, Food, Photography, Theatre and Travel

Brooklyn Mellows

Coffee, Kirtan, Comics, Counterculture

Radical Yoga

with Colin Hall

The everyday vegetarian UK

Recipes, reviews and musings of a vegetarian in meat fuelled world


prose and poetry

%d bloggers like this: