It seems to be all about observation at the moment. Trying to see (or feel) with more clarity and dispassion. Less drama, less judgment. I’ve been trying to prep for a private with my teacher, which is always a time for reflection and evaluation, but I’m trying hard within this work not to find myself lacking and in need of him to fix me. So a bit of a non-duality thing going on too, as I am forced to contemplate (in a much larger context that reaches far beyond my own) what the role of a teacher might be, what I might want it to be. Do I need salvation? And if I did, would he be the one to offer it…?
Off the mat the observation continues, but in lighter vein. We’ve had a bit of nicer weather plus a long weekend; summer has suddenly sprung up with verdant plants all around. I’ve been teaching Hubby the names of British grasses: Yorkshire Fog, Cocksfoot, Rye Grass, Timothy Grass. But his seasonal nature lessons always begin with a gentle revision of how to recognise Stinging Nettle before his bare legs suffer!
I love grasses. I love the subtle beauty of them much more than obvious colourful blossoms. And I love the difference between a single stem of grass and a whole bank or field with so many, many stems massed together, offering an almost fluid appearance as they undulate in the breeze. Individuality and collectivity, solo and group.
Today was a good day for insects too, even from a pretty cursory examination of the plants we walked past. Some pretty chrysomelids (leaf beetles) and damselflies, ladybirds/ladybugs, ephemeral mayflies on the water, a small number of butterflies fluttering past. Hubby indulged me patiently as I kept stopping to stoop over plants and point something out to him or just pausing to watch one of the little critters munching pollen or warming itself in the sun. He joked that I’m really easy to please — he points out an unseen bug to me and I react as though he’s given me a diamond ring!!
Could I take that easy fascination and curiosity back onto the mat and find similar contentment in the observation of my shapes, my muscles easing into their length and strength, my bones aligning naturally, breath settling?
Perhaps, with practice, and a few more warm sunny days to help unwind me.