On the threshold

It’s the day before my two week Teacher Training intensive. Just to remind myself what yoga is all about (and to get out of the crowded house!) I went to the 2 hour vinyasa class this morning. It was wonderful! Yes, it began as one of those days when I show up full of doubts about my abilities, my strength, unfocussed mind wandering into fearful corners… But then there they were — my yoga crowd! I felt in good company. We moved together, we breathed together. And we had a bit of a laugh especially in the balances, taking our turns in side crow, legs splaying, arms wobbling. A few faceplants, a few muffled giggles. I’d ended up in the front row with a couple of the other student teachers and a teacher who just graduated (if that’s the right word) last year. And there I was too, doing stuff I’d never thought possible not so very long ago.

I’m having a bit of a personal retrospective these past fews days, as I’m on the threshold of a new chapter in my yoga life — hopefully two weeks away from my own ‘graduation’! Since it all feels a bit loaded and serious and I’m falling into my usual tendency to heap the pressure on myself, I’m gently reminding myself of the epic distance I’ve already travelled just to be in this room. Then comfortably in the front row. Then more confidently taking my place between actual and soon-to-be teachers, knowing where I am in the difficult stuff (arm balance split anyone?) and enjoying the level of challenge that’s right for me (some fun side-plank sequence — yeah, I was a bit floppy and imprecise, but it was OK and I was grinning insanely under all the sweat!).

Now I’ve done a little bit of teaching practice with Hubby, under the watchful eye of my inlaws. A bit like Statler and Waldorf — but without the laughs! The comment afterwards was “very professional” — but they were talking about Hubby’s practice!! Nothing about my cuing. Yes, of course, it’s all about the student and the practice, it’s not about me. I should get out of my head more!

So I’m as ready as I can be for the next two weeks. I’m more excited than nervous now. If I manage to get some sleep, if Hubby keeps me supplied with clean clothes and nutritious food, if I can keep the doubts in a separate compartment of my head…. I’m ready!