I wrote a while ago how imposter syndrome made me feel ridiculously self-conscious about labelling myself as a serious enough yogini to merit mat-storage room at my local studio.
Yeah, yeah, I know….!! The problems we create for ourselves!
But, seriously — calming my imposter syndrome down is a very real work in progress. Part of the practice for me. I suspect if I thought about it ‘yogically’ [I love how Apple keeps auto-correcting this to ‘logically’!] I’d be describing this as the ego talking.
So I practiced with my imposter syndrome at the studio last night.
I laughed in its face as I went to reclaim my mat from its new home on the shelf, and felt literally buoyant that I haven’t been spending precious energy lugging it to class! The emotional baggage I carry is weighty enough!
In the changing room two yoginis commented on what I was wearing — a vest-top from a London studio, replete with show off-y Sanskrit lettering. It’s a souvenir of my 3 day immersion last summer. I earned the right to wear this silly vest through my efforts then! Plus I can actually read the Sanskrit now! So I smiled and moved on and didn’t engage with whatever (critical?) tone I thought I was hearing.
But most of all I turned up for my first ever Level 2 class. A milestone for me.
And more than that even, I had resisted the nervous temptation to check with the teacher first that it was OK for me to be here. The rubric for the class says attendees must have a regular practice which is defined as 2 or more classes per week for at least 6 months. I have that. So that’s that. No second-guessing required.
And how did it go, this first L2 class?
Well, my heart loved it, I didn’t wreck my body and kept very sensibly within my known limits (ignoring the crazy stuff going on around me), and my head which is always the nay-sayer just kept quiet and let my body have its fun. For once!
The āsanas on my mat might not have looked so fancy, but I reckon that’s a pretty advanced yoga practice overall!