Answering from the heart

“just wonderful!”

“fruit and pizza”

“gravity in the belly”

What are these? Answers I’ve given this week to questions. Questions that people have asked me with the explicit instruction to answer first, think later. They’re after gut-reactions, not reasoned cognitive responses, nor the sound of my ego projecting itself into the situation.

I hate this! It’s a game I’d rather never play. Why? Because these definitely aren’t the answers I’d have given if my mind had had a chance to intervene and so somehow they’re ‘wrong’. That’s what my ego tells me, so it must be true…!

It made me realise how much second-guessing and decision-making I do based on what I think someone expects or wants, what image I might want to convey, and how I strain to be in control even when someone else is asking the questions.

This is more than a bit arrogant, so the question I’m asking myself is how might it feel not to be in such tight control (or the illusion thereof!). I can barely imagine!

Curiously a friend of mine at work this week offered me a Bach Flower Remedy which was incredibly touching as a gesture of care and more than a little humbling. It says much about how she sees me — with no hint of graceful surrender! She gave me Oak, which is:

the remedy for strong, steady people who never give up under adversity. They plough on with determination, and never consider resting until they are past the point of exhaustion.

Oaks often have many people relying on them, and their sense of duty is strong. They may feel frustrated and unhappy if illness or exhaustion mean they are forced to do less than they wanted.

So much is positive about the Oak person, but the negative side is the stubborn refusal to rest or sit back when the need for rest is obvious. The remedy is used to help us remain strong in adversity, while at the same time we learn it is better sometimes to let go rather than crack under the strain.

All of which makes me wonder if Dr Edward Bach had met me in an earlier life! 😉

———

Just for interest the questions were:

“how’s your mood?” from the doctor

“what did you mainly eat this weekend?” from the yoga teacher

“how does ‘trust’ feel in the body?” from the meditation teacher.

It looks from this that it’s been a week of seeking advice from others when I’m getting lost, so perhaps that’s some gesture in the direction of surrender. Unless it’s just attention-seeking…?

Let’s not mention the appointments I also have with optician and dietician else I sound much more hypochondriac than humble!

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