Aquaphobic yogini

Aquaphobia-Fear-of-Water-200x300I’m a bit scared of  water, I’ll admit it. And I’m very scared of deep water. I guess it’s a rational enough fear, though I also intellectually know that if I give myself up to the water it will hold me up. The likelihood of drowning only becomes a real problem if I tense up and fight against the buoyant feeling of floating and being carried along on the waves. If I give in to it, I’ll be fine. Everyone can float. I can float.

And so it is in meditation as it is in swimming.

Recently I’ve been dabbling with Yoga Nidra, taking a 10 week course. And I’m definitely having trouble letting go and finding my natural buoyancy. In the past I’d had some pretty horrible meditation experiences which I found disorientating and a bit freaky (and that with a professor of clinical psychology to support me!). Until very recently, then, I usually limited my meditation practice, so there was not enough time to go too far from the safe shores of familiar, more or less rational, experiences.

But even within this restriction I find for me there’s something different about meditation after āsana (as compared to just coming to the cushion ‘cold’). It feels natural, unforced — and pretty much always ‘nice’. So, yep, I’m definitely grasping after pleasurable experiences, not remaining open to whatever comes up, as my Mindfulness training taught me.

deep endThe Yoga Nidra course is encouraging me to strike out further, to let go, open up to all the feelings of fear and mistrust I have and welcome them in, having faith that there’s something there that will support me. I’m not sure if I’m ready. I’m clinging to intellectual categories of experience, wanting a map that will point the way and allow me to orientate myself, when really I know that the point is just to go on and trust that you will find the destination as you arrive there.

… … …

With the drawing of this Love and the voice of this Calling

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree

Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always–
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flames are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

T. S. Eliot Little Gidding

Image sources:×300.jpg,






One thought on “Aquaphobic yogini

Add yours

  1. I had never read the TSE. It’s profoundly beautiful. Thank you for sharing it – it certainly fits well with this post’s theme.
    I am interested in hearing more about your experience with Yoga Nidra…

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Website Built with

Up ↑

anonymous sadhaka

An Iyengar Yoga blog

Mimm Patterson

Yoga, Coaching & Craft

Phoenix Matarazzo

My life, in my words...


becoming a centenarian


a life worth living

Josephine Corcoran

never knowingly without a pen

Random Musings

A little bit of this, and a little piece of that!

Anthony Wilson

Lifesaving Poems


For whatever lights you up.

Beginner's Mind

Introduction to mindfulness, based in Huddersfield


Tales from the inner and outer world

Views from the Podium

A Blog. A Book. A Yoga Community.

Peregrine's Progress

Books, Cinema, Food, Photography, Theatre and Travel

Brooklyn Mellows

Coffee, Kirtan, Comics, Counterculture

Radical Yoga

with Colin Hall

The everyday vegetarian UK

Recipes, reviews and musings of a vegetarian in meat fuelled world


prose and poetry


Turning left up the road less travelled..

%d bloggers like this: