Life saver

Years ago (when we were all younger!) my teacher would often do a breakout time in his vinyasa class to allow people to practise handstand against the wall. He would come around the room ensuring everyone was working to their level and had an appropriate challenge. When he got to me he kindly asked “can I help you?” and I would answer “no, I don’t think so” with such a final tone that he passed onto the next person. I had dismissed him because I literally felt beyond help. And not just in handstand. I didn’t know how to help myself or how to ask someone else for help. I just didn’t believe any change was possible. To learn something new, get stronger, feel braver or more playful — those were delights for others, not for me. When this had gone on for a while and I was feeling pretty low about it, I managed to ask for help — from my husband. I told him I had no idea what to say to my teacher, I literally had no words to use. He gave me a formula which he made me practise and recite so I would have it ready for the next class. And that way — silly though it sounds — I began to practise asking for help. And I suppose my handstand also improved! But that was much less interesting to me then.

Today on the beach I watched a couple of people get rescued by the surf life savers. Neither incident was any big deal as far as I could see. A surfer got pulled towards the rocks and was towed safely in, and a swimmer put their hand up for assistance, maybe they were caught in a rip; they needed a helping hand for some reason and the boat went out and assisted. There was no panic in either case. Everyone else continued enjoying the water.

Although it looked pretty scary to me as I’m not used to this culture, in this context it’s entirely normal. Swimming and surfing in rough conditions where the riptide can be unpredictable has an inherent risk and it’s almost inevitable that if you do it long enough, the chances are that you’ll need help sometime. That’s why there’s such a strong focus on the surf life saver clubs as an institution and training up volunteers so well and in strong numbers. The enjoyment is worth the risk: the fun and the challenge, being in the elements, testing your strength and fitness, refining your skills in the water, learning your limits. And the help is freely given. The people I saw being rescued were not rebuked for failing or being careless or not being strong enough to get themselves out of trouble. They were helped and set up ready to go back out into the ocean for all the experiences that would offer.

Now, these years later, I pay a handstand trainer to teach me one to one. Everything is tailored to my needs. But my trainer knows he still has to remind me multiple times each session that he is there for me, not as a judge but simply as a support, often a very literal support. When he spots me he has to encourage me to lean on him when I need to, to use his manual guidance to find my balance, to allow him to hold me and to learn everything I can from this. Here too there is no rebuke for failing, there is only encouragement for trying. It’s really quite wonderful!

So I am still learning to ask for help and I think this skill will be more a life saver than any ability to handstand. Right now it requires practice. My trainer offers his help consistently and reliably and so is earning my trust. In time I hope I can come to trust others in different life contexts. Maybe along this path of self discovery I’ll also learn to handstand which would be the cherry on top!