Comparisons can be helpful

I finally got back to handstand class this week. I was paired with a really great partner who was fantastic at spotting me, giving loads of verbal and physical feedback which helped me feel safe and steady. I had a great practice. Yay! Much better than a previous experience of partner work. This time we even sneaked in a couple of extra reps of the drill that is best for me before the next class arrived. When you’re a good match, partner work can be great. I was really grateful to the trainer as I know he did this deliberately for me!

So I learned a lot in my handstand drills and in the careful hands of my partner.

But the most interesting learning always happens on the side, where you least expect it. I learned a whole different lesson from my unsuspecting partner. He was male, younger than me, looks strongly built and his former career was in the military, now teaching yoga. So I had high expectations of his practice. I was pretty surprised then that he seemed less strong in these positions that I am. His endurance on his hands was significantly less than mine and he came out of the exercises quite quickly each time and eventually told me he didn’t want to continue because he was too tired.

I chatted with the trainer about this later. How my habitual thought when I show up for this session is that I will be the weakest person in the room. It was once true and made more complicated or tenacious (as these things always are!) by some adverse earlier experiences in life. Now I had the evidence in front of me that this isn’t factually correct any longer. I worked with my partner for 30 minutes, so it was a significant amount of time to observe his weaknesses. No judgement intended, just the inescapable observation and clear comparison. It was much more confronting to me than the general, fuzzy impression I get from the room overall, the vague sense that the newbies at least are less skilled and less strong than me, but it’s not up close and inescapable like this.

My trainer was unfussy in his response. “So it’s not true”.

No, it’s not.

It’s a mental image of myself that no-one else sees.

If it’s not true, can I just drop it from my thoughts?

I’m a logical girl, I dislike illogical thinking. And yet I do it all the time, every time I show up for training with a tremor in my step and a nagging doubt that I won’t be able to keep up or manage the drills when I am actually one of the strongest in the room. I’m the one the trainer asks to help with demos and we’re now also working one to one as he recommended I need this to take me beyond the basics of what the group is doing.

So maybe the thought pattern stops now. Next week can be the new start! How exciting 🙂