Today I’ve mostly encountered the world from under a deep black hood. It’s been raining on and off all day and it seemed to be bucketing down each time I needed to be on the move, by foot. And the grey skies and bleak weather suited my mood, creating this sense of justified misery. See — even the weather is against me!
What’s up with me? Not so many smiles today. I think I’m overtired. And I’m feeling the weight of responsibility for the difficulties some of those around me have right now. A bereavement, a illness, an important bit of news not coming. I’m definitely straying into empathy more than sympathy — I mean I’m really taking on their suffering rather than simply recognising it. And that’s not helpful for them, or me. I need to be strong for them and I think that needs some detachment.
So I took my worries to class, head whirling full of questions and doubts. My teacher led us through class engaging our bodies and our minds, encouraging us to practice patience and steadiness, how to find a place of ease even in the face of discomfort. And you know how it goes: every time my mind wandered, my ego started to muscle in, or my breath wavered, he was there with a verbal reminder or instruction. It still kind of feels like magic when that happens. Even if it’s really just because I’m a simpler, more predictable creature than I like to believe, one from a common pattern.
I sat for a few quiet moments after class. I felt peaceful for the first time in days. Just momentarily, maybe. I wonder if there’s such a thing as a yoga studio lock-in? I would have liked to have stayed there, resting. No responsibilities in that moment.
Back at home Hubby and I swapped stories about our days. We made each other laugh, focussing on the lighter moments. His story was about his new students (which I can’t repeat!) and mine was about a young Italian girl who had sat behind me on the bus talking on her mobile. She sounded so angelic as she whispered slightly breathlessly “O dio, o dio, dio mio….” For some reason, I assumed she was talking with her mother. Until she suddenly bellowed indignantly “che stronzo!” (which I won’t translate).
I haven’t checked the weather forecast for tomorrow. It might well be raining again. But I feel just that little bit more capable of going on and doing it all again. Life. Work. Yoga practice. And perhaps I can do so with a lighter heart and a more cheerful disposition.
I hope you have good weather in your corner of the world!
image source: http://www.freefoto.com/imagelink/?ffid=16-31-21&s=l