A support network can be really…. well, supportive!
I’m not a big one for sharing all the details of my life (anonymous blog, geddit?) and I can in fact go a bit the other way and tend towards isolation in my liking for privacy. Privacy is kind of comfortable; there’s no accountability in secrecy, no need to justify anything.
But there’s no support either.
Recently I took a bit of a flying leap which really brought home to me this delicate balance of share/not-share. Does one tell the world about flying leaps when the risk of falling is quite high? Is that a thing to hide or to show? Can anyone really offer to support you in mid-leap?
So what was my flying leap? I’ve just done my GCSE Sanskrit exams (in UK these are school exams you do when you’re 16). This is a flying leap not because I’m not quite naturally academically inclined but because I wasn’t at all prepared for this test. I don’t have a teacher and I knew I was nowhere near ready when I had to register for the exams. So I’ve had a super busy few of months trying to get myself up to speed — reading set texts, learning grammar, battling with vocab and struggling to understand the multiple and mysterious rules of sandhi (joining words together based on sound rules). It all felt too much at times, with no-one to ask for help. But it was also kind of exhilarating, if I’m honest. I learned so much in a short space of time. I had to find all the answers for myself or not at all. I had to motivate myself to study after full days of office work, as well as keeping up with yoga teaching, and my own practice or attending class. I think coffee and sugar consumption went up to meet the new activity levels! But there was also some natural momentum and excitement which kept me going. Kind of stressful, kind of fun!
I didn’t broadcast my flying leap too widely. But a few understanding friends have been quietly cheering me on for a while. Although they are all from different parts of my life with different depths of knowing me and what I can do, their message was unanimous: they all said they are proud of me for the attempt, no matter what the outcome.
I think the old me might have been frustrated by this. Isn’t academic attainment everything? Surely no-one will respect anything less than an A grade? Yoga has softened me somewhat and now I can (I’m grateful to say) take enormous pleasure in these messages of support which I know are truly meant and offered with love. And I too am proud of myself for the attempt. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And I gained a lot from this experience, whatever the outcome is.
Now see if I take a flying leap and share my results with you when they’re released in August! 🙂