Everyone is afraid. I can see it in their taut bodies and hear it in their brittle voices. Since the beginning of TT I’ve had conversation after conversation about facing concerns, doubts and fears. I want to help those around me with what support and help I might give. Their fears are not the same as my fears, so I can see their difficulties more clearly and I hope this means I can offer something to them. Cue a strange variety of conversations and questions about sweating and bowel movements, meditation and mantras, public speaking and journal writing! Never a dull moment. Is this what yoga teachers regularly face?
Of course I have my own doubts too. I’ve shared this with a couple of people. An act of trust and honesty — I don’t usually choose to open up with people I don’t know.
Someone actually laughed at me today when I said how uncertain I was about being here, doing this. She laughed because she couldn’t see why I’d have any such difficulty. In her eyes I’m full of knowledge and ooze confidence and authority.
Different perceptions are so interesting!
Anyway all these fears and worries were put sharply into perspective by more horrific news recently and worries about family members in the vicinity. So at the close of the day I’m grateful that these very real fears have not been realised. And this relief helps me see that the yoga worries will sort themselves out in time. As best I can I’m committing to being brave and bold, in pursuit of my own development and because I think this is what others need to. We are all in this together. And this supportive environment is such a resource. We should use it, not shrink from it. Though it feels hard now, actually it’s never going to be this easy again!