Knotty thoughts

I tied my first mala recently. I was feeling fragile. I didn't want to move, but I also didn't want to sit silently with my thoughts. What could I do to soothe myself? Somehow making a mala seemed like a good answer. Yoga practice is weird that way. Unexpected answers to questions I never used... Continue Reading →

October 13, 2019 2

Food for thought

I went to the supermarket today, something I don't do very often. Groceries usually come to me by doorstep delivery, supplemented by a weekly fruit and veg box and some small scale supplementary shopping by Hubby. I hate supermarkets. In truth I find them slightly overwhelming. Everything seems excessive -- quantities, choice, variety of brands.... Continue Reading →

October 6, 2019 4

A good telling off

I don’t like being told off. “Don’t shout at me” I often say to my husband. “I’m not shouting” he usually retorts and at some volume. He’s from a more adversarial family than I am, whereas when I was a child, we never raised our voices. Ever. Well, I did as a teenager.... But I... Continue Reading →

September 14, 2019 3

Under examination

Remember my Sanskrit exams earlier this year? I wrote at the time about the small support network I gathered around myself as I put myself forward for these exams, feeling very much out of my depth but with a determination just to try and see what came from it. I tried to enjoy the accelerated... Continue Reading →

August 17, 2019 6

Invisible handstand

Some months ago I remember playing a private game in class, seeing if I could remain invisible to the teacher. I remember feeling smug that I'd got through the standing sequence without attracting any attention, while the students around me were given hands on assists or specific instruction. At the very moment when I was... Continue Reading →

July 27, 2019 0

Old ways, new ways

I got out of town this bank holiday weekend for a workshop plus kirtan. I've kept my yoga experiences pretty close to home for some time now, since my last visit to a new teacher was a bit more than I bargained for. Long story short: it's made me reluctant to leave the safety bubble... Continue Reading →

May 27, 2019 0

Support network

A support network can be really.... well, supportive! I'm not a big one for sharing all the details of my life (anonymous blog, geddit?) and I can in fact go a bit the other way and tend towards isolation in my liking for privacy. Privacy is kind of comfortable; there's no accountability in secrecy, no... Continue Reading →

May 21, 2019 5

Rupture and continuity

One of my best friends nearly died recently. A ruptured appendix, a bungled diagnosis and delayed surgery. I've been visiting her in hospital, feeling helpless in the face of drips, oxygen, and the indignity of surgical gowns. She was weak and confused. I'm not sure she remembered if I'd been with her or not; she... Continue Reading →

May 16, 2019 0

No feeling is final

“Go to the limits of your longing... Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final” (Rilke) Practice at the moment is an experience of longing. I feel a deep yearning to be more fully with myself, to let go of the past, to feel the reality of the... Continue Reading →

March 18, 2019 0

Telling stories

Telling stories. Telling stories. RE-telling stories I was formally trained to study the past. I used to be an archaeologist. My academic training taught me that there's usually more than one interpretation of the evidence and if you follow the more radical post-modern theories the past is unknowable and all interpretations become equally valid... Death... Continue Reading →