Wants and needs

I want to be in class right now, to be listening to what my teacher is sharing today, to be sweating along with my yoga crew, synchronising my breath and my movements with them in an expression of belonging and togetherness. But wants and needs aren't the same thing. And for more than one reason... Continue Reading →

May 31, 2016 2

Terrible yoga, amazing yoga

"That was a terrible, terrible, terrible class" I told my teacher as I sat in his office afterwards trying to stop the tears running down my face, waiting for my heart to stop thumping, and slowly allowing the tremors of emotion to ease and resolve into something of a smile. He took it well, concentrating on... Continue Reading →

May 25, 2016 6

Yoga in the closet

I'm just back from a weekend visiting my family. A time for deep connection with those who know me most intimately, back in the house I grew up in. A time for reminiscing and replaying familiar jokes. A time for easy company, and well-established roles. In some senses a total reconnection with where I came from.... Continue Reading →

May 15, 2016 8

More joy, less effort

A coincidence of reading a (highly controversial!) research paper about the personality type most often associated with ME/CFS and the associated habitual swinging pattern of activity levels (overdo it then need to rest, then get bored/frustrated so overdo it again...) plus advice from my teacher on handling my current emotional reactions to backbends (even out the... Continue Reading →

May 8, 2016 2

In the driving seat

I learned to drive in a manual car, and I remember when the synchronisation of changing gear, steering, and keeping track of what's going on around the car seemed like an impossible challenge. Did I have to become an octopus -- and one with eyes in the back of its head -- in order to do this?... Continue Reading →

May 7, 2016 7

Feedback along the way

In Sanskrit class I'm noticing less feedback from my teacher. He used to be quick to correct mistakes or offer help. Now he gives me longer to figure it out myself, and he no longer offers any encouraging noises while I'm puzzling through the words in a sentence out loud. I'm to assume that silence is good.... Continue Reading →

May 6, 2016 3

Where do I want to be

Do you have a favourite place in class? Mine changes all the time. Back, front, middle, near the radiator, near the door, next to the really good person, next to the most friendly person... Last night I did back to back classes -- a small challenge to myself or a little exploration of myself. How... Continue Reading →

April 27, 2016 1

Yoga practice as a band aid

I have been touched by some expressions of care from readers following some recent posts where I've been confronting the fact that practice isn't always an uplifting experience and can be downright troubling. Blogging about personal experiences -- like yoga itself -- is a bit of a leap of faith. But if I'm finding something... Continue Reading →

April 25, 2016 1

Rollercoaster yoga

Practicing feels like a rollercoaster ride at the moment. One minute it's all hand waving and goofy grins, shrieking with excitement. The next my stomach drops out and I'm white-knuckling in fear, barely able to breathe. And then up and down again. Each practice unpredictably a peak or a trough. Because despite this disorientating unpredictability I keep... Continue Reading →

April 22, 2016 3

Catharsis

A wound that was left untended for years festers out of sight, pus-filled and infected. One day you unwittingly prod at it and find you take some strange pleasure in the discomfort, in really feeling the hurt as you probe how deep it runs. It opens up, spills out a little -- and it's messy. But there's... Continue Reading →