TT heebie jeebies

Someone was talking really loudly before class the other night. They were outside the studio door, but their voice carried clearly. I tried to ignore it. I’m breathing. I’m preparing. This is my time. Accept the sounds and then let them go — that’s  what I was taught early on in meditation (in an absurdly loud setting, btw, that used to make even the teacher laugh sometimes during practice!). And usually I can do something like this.

medical tape.jpgBut this night I caught the meaning of the words and I inevitably then turned into the sound not away from it. It was a student talking about her current injuries — back, ankle and elbow. And about how stressed she was. She was taking a two week exotic holiday to try to calm down. Why so stressed? Because she’s signed up to the studio’s teacher training course this summer and is practicing really hard to get ready for it.

Arrgh! I had so many reactions to this. None of them were good. And I felt massively intimidated. I have seen this girl practice. She looks stronger than I can ever imagine. And more flexible too. Even although she is currently held together with sticky tape. Why is she worried! Should be worried too?

drama.jpgSo I made a big drama of this to Hubby when I got home. But he refused to indulge me. He reminded me that yoga is not all about āsana, that TT is not about being a showy practitioner, and neither activity is about making comparisons. He also bluntly told me I should expect to be the physically weakest practitioner on the course! Hmm, tough love….

So I tried a girlfriend instead, hoping for greater indulgence and high drama there. No luck again.

So I’d better just get over it. I’m sure if I asked my teacher how to prepare for TT, he would just tell me to carry on with my practice, the ways I do it now. No drama required. Just the quiet virtue of actually doing it, not going on about it.

Oh, yes, I could do that, I suppose.

5 thoughts on “TT heebie jeebies

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    1. Actually apparently two ‘failed’ last year (they didn’t take the assessment). Made me wonder if my teacher is stricter than he likes to appear 😉

      It’s not the notion of failing (I’m not the failing type!); it’s more the thought that maybe I missed something important and that actually everyone prepares in some way that simply hadn’t occurred to me! All I’m doing is trying to keep injury free, well, and exploring my own practice each day in some way — which is a lot a think! No sticky tape yet required to hold me together!

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  1. This reminds me of the old Carlos Castenda books, where Carlos is trying to gain apprenticeship with Don Juan. Carlos “studied” for 6 months to try to understand what he thought Don Juan was supposed to teach him. Don Juan told Carlos a story about a person in olden times who was trying to get past a checkpoint posted by the king. The only way people could be identified is by the way they pronounced a certain word. If they pronounced that word wrong at the checkpoint, they would be taken prisoner. So the person “studied” for six months how to pronounce the word properly. When the person got to the check point, the guard asked him to pronounce another word. The man immediately confessed and was taken prisoner. TL;DR, the gist of the story of what Don Juan was teaching Carlos and what you can learn is there is no way of “preparing” for teacher training. It will bring about its own transformation without your preparation. As a veteran of a 4 year teacher training that started with 17 people and only finished with 3, I can attest that there is a lot of drama from the other candidates. Just do your own yoga to your own ability and you will prevail. Best wishes!

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  2. This made me smile yogibattle — thank you! Yeah, I’m trying (as ever!) not to overthink it. I have deliberately been *not* preparing. I’m itching to ask for the reading list, but am choosing instead just to work steadily at whatever presents itself to me in my practice. The rest will take care of itself. As you say there’ll be dramas enough without me creating one in advance! But I can easily get swept along in someone else’s…

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