“We’re better prepared this time”. I keep hearing people say this as England has returned to some sort of lockdown status. There’s a weariness and a resignation this time round. Less fear perhaps, despite the rising numbers of cases and deaths and the doomy predications about the resilience of the NHS. Even so, the situation... Continue Reading →
Rupture and continuity
One of my best friends nearly died recently. A ruptured appendix, a bungled diagnosis and delayed surgery. I've been visiting her in hospital, feeling helpless in the face of drips, oxygen, and the indignity of surgical gowns. She was weak and confused. I'm not sure she remembered if I'd been with her or not; she... Continue Reading →
No feeling is final
“Go to the limits of your longing... Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final” (Rilke) Practice at the moment is an experience of longing. I feel a deep yearning to be more fully with myself, to let go of the past, to feel the reality of the... Continue Reading →
A quiet revolution
I saw my physio again today for my rotator cuff injury. We've been working on this together for 5 months or so. I find these appointments really interesting. They become a ground for self-observation as much as āsana practice or meeting with my yoga teacher are. When I first needed physio appointments I was not... Continue Reading →
Running wild
When I first started Rolfing, my homework was about skipping and leaping, encouraging me to find a bit of joy in simple movements. I did my best, feeling a little foolish, needing to force the movements rather than finding them arising naturally. More recently my Rolfing homework has been about my effervescent ears. Same underlying... Continue Reading →
Jumping for joy
Rolfing is an odd process. It takes me by surprise over and over: how I feel in my body, what I learn, what I talk about with my Rolfer, and how endlessly wise she seems so me -- yet how subtly she conveys her teaching, through her fingertips and quiet patience with me as much... Continue Reading →
Posing for the camera
Hot on the heels of the afternoon with my artist friend I got an email from my photographer friend. I'd also spent an afternoon of yoga with her a couple of months back. She's not a yogi, but she'd asked if she could photograph me practising at home. I agreed. With a certain sense of fear... Continue Reading →
Dormouse yoga
Many years ago my mum gave me a postcard with a picture of a dormouse on it with the message "do not disturb". It was kind of a family joke, the amount of time I spent curled up in bed. Then I was sick and just trying to rest. I couldn't face being part of... Continue Reading →
In medias res
I met a work colleague for lunch today -- we see each other every quarter or so for a chat and something of a mutual check-in. She's the only person with ME that I've ever really talked to. I've always avoided fellow-sufferers. Too ill or too painfully brave to be with easily. She's been doing... Continue Reading →
Uncomfortable truth
Life has been full of physical discomforts recently. Terrible toothache at times so bad I was maxing out on various types of painkiller, and for the final 45 minutes or so before the next dose reduced to whimpering, foetal position pain. It’s nerve-related and there’s no relief to be had from that. Just an extended... Continue Reading →