One month on

It’s nearly a month since teacher training ended. Coincidentally (we aren’t so needy that we scheduled a one-month anniversary party!) I ended up socialising recently with most of the other graduates. It was interesting hearing snippets of what everyone is up to with their yoga. Of course the emphasis was on where they were with teaching. A couple have taught a class already, paid or unpaid, to the public or to circles of friends. A few more have imminent plans with a similar range of formality in arrangements.

The way people make these arrangements speaks volumes about the personalities involved. For some there’s a clear sense of making an offering of what they can to people who need it, for others it’s just a practice routine to hone their skills, and for one or two it’s about making some money. Interesting to observe how what we were taught, the nuts and bolts as well as the philosophy and ethics, are played out in our individual trajectories.

I’m still feeling as though I threw a lot of things up in the air during TT and I’m waiting to see where they land. I feel scattered. Divided almost. TT was such an intense experience of a different way of being, a different way of learning, and with a set of people vastly different to my usual social circle, I’m not surprised by these feelings of being a little at sea. Plus I’m balancing this against stepping straight back into my professional role and all the usual mundanities of existence that were put on hold during training. Feeling off-balance? How could I not!

And of course my yoga practice, once my stabilising place of security, is now changed too. It might look the same (I don’t know) but it all feels different. It seems infinitely full of potential. This is mind-bogglingly exciting! But it also feels so unbounded that I am struggling to start from where I am and not ricochet around madly, following a hundred and eight different aspects of interest.

And of course my expectations of the time I have for yoga — or want/need for yoga — have changed too! Full days of yoga, 8 to 10 hours at the studio and then homework, were the luxury of TT. Now I’m trying to carve out more modest slices of time that are sustainable back in the real world.

It feels quite frustrating: how to balance ideas of limitless potential with finite time and energy?

But TT also taught me that if I could shift slightly, in either my perspective or in the actual practicalities of my days, everything would look different.

And also that patience and faith in the longer process is as important as the excitement of instant progress.

So I’ll stop writing and roll out the mat instead. I have my practice to do after a rest-day yesterday, there is a teaching sequence I’m working on that isn’t quite flowing right, there’s my Sanskrit homework (personal pronouns to cram into my brain), and then I’m off to London to take a yoga class away from home….

Just as well Hubby is occupied at work today and won’t miss me! I just need to make it back in time to prepare dinner…