Re-framing the picture

I started today full of thoughts about myself. Wanting to go to work after two days resting in bed. Excited to be re-joining the world, but feeling that weird agoraphobia that follows time spent so quietly at home. Would the short walk to work actually be too much? Would I be able to concentrate on my work? What if I was needed to make some important decision suddenly, rather than just tackle the mundane emails according to my plan?

But of course it was fine.

And then a coffee date with a new yogini friend, one of my fellow trainee teachers (ha, I mean newly graduated teachers!). A new relationship to be nurtured, a new minefield of not-revealing-illness to be traversed carefully, new connections to be forged that will last beyond the honeymoon period of our recent graduation.

And this too was fine.

Lovely in fact!

Home to Hubby and we wandered out intending a relaxing riverside amble and a chance to soak up some of the proper summer heat that has arrived unexpectedly and most welcomely — but forecast only fleetingly.

This was not so fine.

As we crossed the road a girl came off her bike and fell heavily onto the pavement. No car involved, she just fell sideways. I ran to assist despite the fact that there were two nearer passers-by. Just in case I was needed, since I’m a first-aider at work. I ended up staying for nearly an hour.

She was wearing a medi-alert bracelet and I got a history of diabetes before she slipped into a full-on hypo, muscles twitching and speech incoherent. Recovery position. Paramedic summoned. Her boyfriend contacted and Hubby despatched for a blanket. She slipped in and out of consciousness there on the pavement with cars speeding by and passers-by stopping and muttering uselessly.

It ended with the paramedic giving a glucose injection and I slipped out of the picture, no longer needed.

The day started all about me and my social anxieties and ended with my silly concerns about ‘survival’ revealed as very superficial. Context is everything. The day was re-framed quite dramatically. I hope the young girl is fine now.

I’m trying not to replay my role over in my head wondering what I should have done differently. That would make it all about me again.

And I’m fine.