Practicing feels like a rollercoaster ride at the moment. One minute it’s all hand waving and goofy grins, shrieking with excitement. The next my stomach drops out and I’m white-knuckling in fear, barely able to breathe.
And then up and down again. Each practice unpredictably a peak or a trough.
Because despite this disorientating unpredictability I keep queuing up for another ride on my mat. Somehow the mat is a safe enough place, somehow the practice supports me as much as it unbalances me.
I wonder if this is normal? But it is how it is right now. And I’m glad to find the courage and feel the support to come back again and again. I see more clearly now, and I feel more acutely. It’s not easy but it’s real. And all things change in time.
I am an explorer.
Om shanti ॐ शान्तिः
babycrowyoga 
You may be having what Stanislov Grof calls a “spiritual emergency” which is a phenomenon after intensive practice. He lists some “remedies” http://www.spiritualcompetency.com/blackboard/lessons/lesson5.html
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Thank you v much, yogibattle. This was an interesting read and I think this is a very real phenomenon for some. There’s some interesting work being done by Willoughby Britton at Brown, but not much formally published perhaps. But I don’t think I would describe my practice as particularly intensive! I was first introduced to meditation by an academic clinical psychologist who helped me immensely in learning how to deal with some intense stuff (though not using alcohol obvs 🙂 !), so it doesn’t feel wholly bad right now, just tough. Actually I’m full of hope. Difficult changes are better than staying stuck.
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I’m experiencing something similar – and wondering if it has to do with the teacher training journey. Will be watching with interest to see how you’re getting on 🙂 Namaste x
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