I passed this sign today outside a café — as I was following my head and heart to the yoga studio!
My teacher was leading a small workshop looking at Chaturaṅga Daṇḍāsana. Such a luxury to spend more than an hour on a single āsana. And in really nice company. I got the feeling that everyone there really wanted to learn. There was a good buzz in the room of industry and enthusiasm.
I actually signed up for the workshop with more than CD explicitly in mind. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have a whole heap to improve on here, and the workshop was humbling and inspiring in exactly the right proportions: I floated my way home feeling energised and excited by what I’d learned.
But I went deliberately with the intention to use this time as another small step in overcoming Yoga Imposter Syndrome, the nagging doubt I have that somehow my practice is worthless, or that I don’t deserve it.
I still feel as though there’s some yoga club that I’m waiting to be invited to, some secret handshake (or mudra!) I haven’t yet learned, or perhaps some level of attainment in āsana that will deliver up the platinum membership package. Really I know it’s not like this. I know that my daily offering of practice is more a token of membership than the ability to hold headstand or whatever else intimidates me by its (current) sheer impossibility. I don’t know where this insecurity comes from, but it’s got to go! It’s not serving me, it’s not humble, it’s actually pretty egocentric, all about me and my trust issues. See I can talk the yoga-talk okay — what’s the problem?!
So a lot of my intention for the workshop was to dive into it all, to be open to everything: to interact openly with the others students, to ask questions, to play and explore with what was offered rather than expecting to achieve anything right then and there; I expected partner work and I wanted to do my best to support my partner too.
I think I did all this! I certainly had a lot of fun which is a good measure I think. I can’t wait to step onto the mat and play around more with some of the foundational exercises — or try them out in idle moments around the office as my teacher (only half jokingly) encourages! And what my vinyasas will look like now is an interesting question.
And at the end of it my partner told me I should be a teacher! So I clearly did the right thing by her too which felt good.
Maybe now it’s time for ice cream?!