Joyous vertigo

Moving towards the end of year means planning next year in various ways. At work it’s all about next financial year’s budget, at home it’s about holidays with Hubby and with a wide-flung family we’re already asking what continent best suits us all for Xmas 2016! Cyclical questions that inevitably come round with the year change. Part of the comforting rhythm of existence maybe. The answers differ slightly each year, depending on circumstances, but broadly you know what you’re facing.

Bigger life questions on the other hand are less comforting. In fact they’re downright discomforting. Though they too are starting to have a cyclical quality to them. Does the persistence of voices in my head mean anything?

what if i fall quoteI’m trying to hold these questions slightly at arm’s length for now, listening but not responding. Trying to savour the very edge of decision-making, the brink of choosing, of committing — but still with the freedom to step back if I need to. It’s a rather compelling vertigo.

But actually the freedom is illusory.

I am going to jump.

But I don’t need to jump today. I can afford to admire the view a little longer. I should look around, consider the horizons. Yet already I can imagine the freefall, how deliciously terrifying it will be and how it will change my view of the world. Just this act of imagining has already changed me. There really isn’t any stepping back from this edge. It’s really a question of when I’ll jump, not if. I’m kidding myself if I think otherwise.

One thought on “Joyous vertigo

Add yours

  1. I yearn for those moments when I don’t have them and when I find them I fear them, it’s a joyous kind of addiction that I don’t think I’ll ever quite be able to give up, nor do I want to, simply because the rush of the jump always thrills me in ways not much else do…

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Beginner's Mind

Introduction to mindfulness, based in Huddersfield

mettatsunami

Tales from the inner and outer world

Views from the Podium

A Blog. A Book. A Yoga Community.

Peregrine's Progress

Books, Cinema, Food, Photography, Theatre and Travel

Brooklyn Mellows

Coffee, Kirtan, Comics, Counterculture

Radical Yoga

with Colin Hall

The everyday vegetarian UK

Recipes, reviews and musings of a vegetarian in meat fuelled world

musingnude

prose and poetry

flossyfeet

Turning left up the road less travelled..

Yoga with Marita

Education & Inspiration for Yoga Teachers

My Daily Yoga Practice

Inquire the truth of everything

From Outside The Mall

Celebrations. Lamentations. Stories. Strategies. Humor. Heartbreak. Love. Loss. Dementia. Mental Health. Social Work. Personal. Political. Views. News. Poems. Prose. Anecdotes. Made up notes.

Aarna Yoga

Journey to Strength

Iyengar Yoga Center of Denver

Spreading the teachings of BKS Iyengar

Strong Lotus Yogi

Yoga Teacher. Practicing Yogi

CocoLokeLiving

Insights, Thoughts & Community News

Andy Yoga

Yoga, Photography, and Fitness, oh my!

Scrappy Yoga

Stories from an unwavering spirit trying to find balance

Jess’s practice blog

Reflections on the moving body as practice

%d bloggers like this: